Martians, Venusians and Other Figments of the Popular Imagination (4/4) by The Silver Fox

(1/4), (2/4), (3/4), (4/4).

Whatever Happened To....

...The poet, Roger Woddis? He used to write some truly appalling doggerel in the Radio Times in order to commemorate landmark moments in TV history; his excruciating offering on the occasion of Doctor Who's 20th anniversary recaptured the splendid incompetence of MacGonnegal at his most deluded. Unfair perhaps - it can't be easy rhyming anything with 'Dalek'. I suppose, now I come to think of it, that he might have passed on: he was around in the 1960s, when (in what I can only assume was a bizarre fluke) he scripted the best episode of the cult series, The Prisoner (episode 13: Hammer Into Anvil). The current rear-pages suckfest that seems to have replaced him - reader suggested acrostics based upon programme titles - is a woeful substitution.

Music and Lies Where Truth sits out the dance like the wallflower it is ... ... The Ruperts have, through the time-honoured arts of blackmail and nepotism, landed a cameo role in Martin Scorsese's next film, a biopic of popular daytime TV chef, Ken Hom. 'It's awesome; we get to play rape victims!' they chorused gleefully ... disturbing news on BollockFest, Hull's first naked heavy metal all-dayer: Heat-Ray have confirmed they'll be headlining ... Awash With Antler are said to be incandescent with fury over allegations made about them by a select Commons Committee on Public Footpaths in the Mendips.

While the exact remarks made by the (as yet unnamed) MP remain a closely-guarded secret, a Whitehall insider told us 'it was something to do with a dispute over a board game' ... Kal-El's Cape frontman, Underpass Gallivant, is recovering at home following a row with a tramp on Spring Bank West ... more next time ...

Foxy's Final Fought The ex-wife of 1990 snivelling-man-boy-loser soccer 'ace' Paul Gascoigne has recently visited the lager-sodden mentalist at The Priory, where he is currently staying having been sectioned under the Mental Health Act. Sheryl, erstwhile punching bag of the tiresome Geordie gurner, has (it is said) 'pledged her support' to him during this difficult and painful time. And HE's the one they've locked up as a nutcase...

Comments System Prototype Version 1.0 by Mo

Articles - Response To The Flood Aid Feud By War Drobe

	So I'd just got back from the annual Greasyroots festival, soaked to the bone and smelling of joss sticks, third rate cannabis and self-indulgent white middle-class liberals. I sat down at my PC and there was the latest contribution to the Flood Aid Feud. War between Chester Draws, Sir John Fareham and Lee Cassanell is brewing Read more...

Articles - Just Do It: The Swinging Sixties By Christine Park

	Becoming a pensioner happens to other people, not me! So when I held my 60th birthday party I affected a kind of put-on smile for the evening. This did not amuse my daughter who had kindly arranged and paid for champagne. She saw through the curled lip and told me to move on. At the time I wasn't sure what she meant, but the following day Read more...

Articles - Response To John Fareham - Flood Aid - What's It All About? By Lee Cassanell

	So I was sitting at my PC smoking a roll and reading the latest Hull Flood News when I chanced upon this little nugget from the right honourable Conservative compulsive hedge trimmer Sir John Fareham in his response to an article by the comically named Chester Draws. "I think he tries too hard to disguise his identity, but not all that successfully Read more...

Articles - Is Modern Life Shit? By Scott Rorrison.

	I was a reckless youth who, due to a heavy influence from Jim Morrison realised the importance of education at the age of about 19. Due to being a late starter I am still working at an engineering company for my sins whilst studying English with the O.U. At this previously mentioned place of work the lads enjoy nothing more than listening to the local Read more...

Articles - Crosswire Conspiracy Part 5 By Buick McCain

	August 1941 Most of our training exercises had been carried out under cover of darkness and with the complicity of local landowners and after three months of rigorous activity, the hard work was eventually paying dividends. I had organised the six groups into autonomous units and for security, each group consisted Read more...

Articles - Response To Chester Draws Flood Aid - What's It All About? By John Fareham

	I am probably missing something but in the desperate attempt to be 'with attitude' the article by 'Chester' rather misses some points. I doubt the council need lessons in drunken perversion from a man who seems aroused by his ability to urinate in public and a need to share that with us: great promotion for Hull. I wonder if Chester would like to name Read more...

Articles - Crosswire Conspiracy Part 4 By Buick McCain

	The crossing over the Channel was uneventful and as we approached the coastline the Flight Sergeant beckoned me forward and pointed towards the horizon. Immediately the scale of Hitler's stranglehold over Europe became frighteningly real. Far below but as far as the eye could see, the massed German forces waited menacingly Read more...

Articles - Response to Hull Flood Aid - What's It All About? By Chester Draws

	I must confess I found Michelle Dee's article on Hull Flood aid much more lucid and sober than some of her previous creative explorations and I for one am glad she had the inclination and good sense to raise the issue. Still, it was only a bit of water and although some people have lost possessions and property at least it provided them with a bit of excitement Read more...

Articles - Crosswire Conspiracy Part 3 By Buick McCain

	Throughout the rest of the day reports of further explosions, all of which were in and around the West End were filtering back to Baker Street. We were ordered to remain in the building until we had clearance from the police and the army bomb squad commander. Murray half heartedly tried to explain the semantics and machinations Read more...

Articles - Crosswire Conspiracy Part 2 By Buick McCain

	I was back at Baker Street by 9.45am and I knew that if I looked anywhere near as shattered as I felt, I was in trouble. The ubiquitous Sergeant Craig, the unfriendly giant, led me straight up to a second floor room. This time the welcome party consisted of one man, not much older than me. Although he was dressed in civilian clothes Read more...

Articles - Hull Flood Aid - What's It All About? By Michelle Dee

	Once again the local music community is gearing up to stage a music event in the city of Hull. After the floods that have left many homeless resulted in hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of property damage and caused severe disruption to schools. Many local businesses will record losses due to flood affected premises and damaged stock. Read more...

Articles - Hydroponics By Stuart Batley

	Hydroponics in general is a way of growing plants and vegetables of all kinds indoors or in a greenhouse without soil in water containing essential mineral nutrients. Many commercial vegetables are grown this way these days in huge greenhouses. The term hydroponics is derived from Greek word and literally means 'working water'. There are many system variations on Read more...

Articles - A Bridge Too Far - The Floods By Paul Wood

	Well it was 10.30 am, the morning of the floods and I was on Newland Avenue at the Post Office, watching as the flood water washed up towards the door. I waded across the road ankle-deep to head home where I stayed most of the day. Around lunch time, my neighbours were bailing out water from down the terrace as the rain had been continuous and it was Read more...

Articles - Crosswire Conspiracy By Buick McCain

	During the summer of 2006 my grandmother sadly passed away. Amongst her possessions, that I was given responsibility for sorting, was a neatly filed and dated collection of my late grandfather's diaries, dating from the early 1940s. Over the ensuing weeks I read and reread all my grandfathers' thoughts. Of his hopes and aspirations Read more...

Articles - A Nightmare on Ella Street By Chester Draws

	Saint’s preserve us ... It’s the end of the world as we know it, the biblical flood has arrived to punish Ella Street for its Liberal Bohemian ways. We thought that all our pot smoking, hippy festivals and savage alcohol problems would put us on square terms with the man upstairs but it seems God is a raging Conservative who would see us all drown Read more...

Articles - The Drain - Memories of East Hull By Nicholas Boldock

	It can sometimes transcend strangeness, the things we humans can have a fondness for. Me, I rather like "The Drain", that muddy, filthy waterway that flows through East Hull, fostering luminous green algae and prehistoric hermaphrodite fish as it goes. At first glance the drain looks like not much more than a cleverly designed cesspool, Read more...

Articles - Buses By Andrea Longstaff

	I was running to catch the number 13 bus in Bond Street when the driver, standing next to his vehicle and smoking a roll-up said to me "There's always going to be another bus you know" I replied that I had to be somewhere and was running late. "Why don't you walk then?" Hmmmmm and why don't you mind your own fucking business? Read more...